peas and quiet

 

making green peas soup with rosemary and white wine while listening to the muezzin and finding a lost favorite shirt with many holes and a dirty mirror and straining my eyes to focus with the polaroid and obviously i didn’t keep track cause there was no picture left for the beautiful girl in front of me who invited me for a taybeh and speaking about language and what you become when you speak another language but your mother tongue and waiting for the rain which is expected(and longed for) this weekend and not able to put down my book page up and down and watching this movie and reading about this i almost had to vomit and i am not quiet but it is somewhat still around me.

sara♥mamma

 

today is my mothers birthday and i so wish i was there to celebrate with her. serving her breakfast in bed and massaging her shoulders. baking a cake and pouring her some wine.

some people say we chose our parents, and if that is the case, i did the best choice ever. my mother is so warm, generous, intelligent, sensitive and funny. lucky me being your daughter…

grattis finaste mamma, om du läser det här så vet du att jag tänker på dig. och jag har skickat ett kort som förmodligen kommer i efterskott.

this is it

this period is a lot about me and the six people i see more often than anyone else. funny how your colleagues can be like your family in a way. we are literally rolling in each others sweat all day long. i know exactly how they smell and what their body feels like. if they are having a good or a bad day. what they eat for lunch. and yet, there is this whole ocean of life underneath that we know nothing about.

it is as if my life has shrunk into one tiny molecule and that becomes a whole world on it’s own.

more still life

 

a little bit of finland through the mailbox, outi, you are so sweet!

drinking some wine with friends and wondering when my cough will vanish?  

dreaming many dreams and baking muffins. how’s your weekend?

inspiration/henry darger

 

we are getting inspired by henry darger right now in the studio. his work has the strangest contrast between naive and dark. little cartoon like birds, young children tied to the trees, soldiers, dragons, blood, fire, flowers and girls with penises. so twisted and beautiful.

and a song for the weekend. i am still waiting to play you some cheerful music. soon. very soon.

i♥webcam

 

most of the time the sound quality is choppy and the picture looks more like mosaic then faces, but still, there they are and it seems almost close…

yesterday was a day of connection. both here and there. i like connections.

slum shine

37 degrees yesterday and i feel ready for autumn. it is mid october after all, if the weather gods would care to know. but perhaps this will stay the never ending struggle between my swedish genes in a foreign place. i dream the weirdest of dreams, waking up two hours before my alarm and i can’t fall asleep again. someone is cutting my hair, there’s an intricate net of vertical growing carrots, i wear an old yellow dress my mother once made me, but in the dream i am only half my size, i hold up a door and just when a girl is about to pass through i slam it shut. and the amateur psychologist in me starts drawing conclusions…

*this picture is from a great exhibition i saw in new york, if i could only remember the artists name?

the tallest man on earth, please sing me a lullaby

like a house made from spider webs and the clouds rolling in, i bet this mighty river's both my savior and my sin and i'll throw it in the current that i stand upon so still, love is all, from what i've heard, but my heart's learned to kill

p.s listen here, picture from here

p.p.s and he is swedish too!

p.p.p.s i do like happy music aswell. i will prove so one day.

sinai

   

sinai managed to separate me from my camera. except for a few pictures. and that despite the fact that there is so much beauty and aesthetical ugliness all around, which always inspires me to shoot away. the mountains, the beduines  (followed by the questions;where did they come from and where are they going?), the camels… time simply moves differently over there. slow, very slow. it doesn’t make sense to rush, so at one point you manage to let go of that habit,even if it is only temporarily, and you surrender to the laissez-faire attitude of the locals. laying down, watching the sea, pondering life, eating, swimming and sleeping.

and now i am back in the city, the rush, the noise, the humidity. waiting for the rain. wondering what the winter will bring.

october’s

 

sometimes i wonder if it is all just a repetition of the repetition. like this feeling of deja vu i wrote about. cause things and themes seem to return. lessons still needed to be learned i guess. but however, looking back a few couple of october’s (2008/9/10) , i recall what i felt during the period of those pictures. and i felt and experienced different, oh so different, even though it might look the same. i feel sort of relieved to discover.

mid-october and soon i will have more regularity again. at least for a few months. no country hopping for a while. but who knows? life is always surprising us when we least expect it. this week i might take a break. from the net. silence and withdrawal. so please be noisy for me aswell…

tenderloveandcare to all of you.

the waltz

   

or perhaps it was a foxtrot, i am not sure. but those are my parents dancing above. and i ignored the lousy lighting.

while writing this i spilled some beer on my keyboard. that is not a very good idea. anyhow, i wanted to write that this wedding and the occasions we went out dancing in sydney and new york reminded me of how much fun it is to dance out. i hardly needed to get reminded, cause i know in theory that i usually go wild once i have the energy and the mood for it, but usually that is what i lack, the energy and the mood. but if you don’t have it, you can always gain it. that’s what i need to remind myself of….

trials

and so they got married…and my quickie is about to end for this time. i seem to have the snottiest nose which only keeps collecting bacterial flora from each place i pass. my cold is an exotic mixture. i have little inspiration to blog, not sure what to share and not. but such is life. now, a brunch with kalvdans, which i have fantasized about for years, and of i go!

favorites of the week

  

*the sweetest gift, a polaroid*colored leaves*walking to the creek*red berry breakfast*patterns and composition*my swedish bed* 

(thank you for your comments, i am slow in responding these days.)

and a song, like cotton candy.

autumn day

 

he’ll not build now, who has no house awaiting. who’s now alone, will so remain. sit late, read, write long letters, and again return to restlessly perambulating the adventures of parks when leaves downrain.

déjà vu

waking up with a sore throat and a aching head pounding to the ears and i think to myself wasn’t i sick just a few days ago? weak muscles and useless mind and i dream strange dreams and it is so hot and i boil liters of water and gurgle salt and then lemongingerhoneylemongingerhoney this never ending mantra and then the bank calls and tell me i am minus on my account and funny how they always reach you when they need you but how come they never pick up the phone when i call? and then i think the same thoughts as i often do and reach the same conclusions as many other times and i drink some more tea and pray that sake might do the job and i watch a documentary and feel hopeless and watch another one and fall asleep in the middle and wake up to write a complain letter and gurgle and drink some more and feel the pattern is the same and a tiny bit bigger than i am.

fuzz

   

i wrote this post already. something about my new favorite being fuzzy pictures, together with the old time favorite of self portraits in random mirrors. fuzzy, perhaps cause i am fuzzy and blurred out right now. and perhaps because some of these pictures were taken after the second drink, which might be another plausible reason. anyhow, this post somehow got lost on the way.

it is already october, i think my blogging died a little bit and here’s a song for the weekend. soundtrack from new york.