180degrees

it is like everything turned around 180 degrees. from having the kibbutz view everyday for the past three years, hills of green, olive trees, silence, i now have the city view. the city noise. the city speed. the humidity. living in my back pack again, walking the streets and being reminded of the masses of people…

and from having had a male boss for the past three years, i am now working with a woman. such different characters anyhow, but just that, from male to female. i might get the best from two worlds.

but now it is weekend. a short such. i am happy to be back north. dangling in the hang mat.

i am thinking about death. a lot. lately. i had periods like that as a child. when sometimes i could not fall asleep at night cause i started thinking of my parents dying. or my grandparents. and i wanted to stop everything, stop them from driving to work, from crossing a street, from getting sick.

and recently, as i get older, so does everyone around me. and naturally, death comes closer.there were so many stories, the last few weeks. an old friend from school, the father of another friend, the dog of a third friend… inevitable, we will all have to face death. how come we are not more prepared? it is too far, too taboo, too un-dealt with. we know it will happen, but we never know how or when. one of the greatest surprises of our whole existence, might be…

maybe it would help us just to talk more about it? how we see it, what we fear, what we would like to happen before and after our deaths?

in the tibetan book of living and dying, there is a quote that goes: -when we die, we die.-

 yep. just as easy and difficult as it is. not more and not less.

record

23.04
i am turning of the computer, and going to bed. with my book. i bet i will sleep and dream in less than 20 minutes. goodnight. don't forget to sleep.

we had our end of the season party yesterday night. it was special…. so much creativity and warmth. afterwards i still finished off the last cleaning of my ex-home. returned the keys this morning. goodbye and thank you, you have been so good to me,sweet home.

and i already received my first package to my new address. a package for the new start. which rapidly began this morning with my first working day at my new job. outside the studio there is this very pretty fountain. it lights up at night and looks abit like a spaceship.

the only downside is that i am very homesick. familjen, i MISS you!

new chapter

the last while has been so intense. and it seems like it will keep being intense for a while to come. i am trying to preserve my energy. today and tomorrow i am moving the last stuff of mine from ga’aton. this apartment has been my home for the longest, after vendel, i just realized. three years.

sorting out three years of belongings is interesting. it’s like having skeletons falling out of the closet, and lovely surprises aswell. yesterday we had a small ‘give and take’ market outside on the grass. i got rid of plenty. and this morning sophia left again…

and instead of the planned trip to sweden and vacation, it seems like i will start working on sunday already! exciting! new chapter…

this needs to be my soundtrack. i am having ‘many irons in the fire’ as the swedish people would say. breathe in breathe out. how to manage all at the same time?

our ‘own’ secret pool for a few hours. which we shared with a few mosquitoes aswell. the shade of the trees and crisp cold water on a hot day. sophia found her private smoking stone. wish you all a good week.

dear love, housemate *eh*, companion, my man

i hardly see him. so i guess i am lucky to be an obsessed photographer at times. just to be reminded. so much sweetness in one body, look at him chewing the lemon cigar with his morning tea in the greenhouse.

sophia is on a visit! lovely.

life is unpredictable, what else can i say these days? i just won’t say anything else.

at home

after this crazy week, even two days of weekend feels like a little eternity. give the house-mouse enough time at home, and everything is fine. im trying to buffer for the coming week, which will be another little marathon. and tomorrow, this lovely woman will arrive in israel, excitement!

the communal garden here has grown into a jungle. i can hide in the corn. and the tiniest babushka from kiev turned into the handle of my desk drawer. she is peaking up on me this very moment.

i think i’ll eat you/even though you are not so tasty

but supermarket cookies is just not the shit. i think of my grandmother and the amazing ‘fika’ breaks we would have at her house. all those sorts of small cookies, cakes, buns. a few times a day, inbetween swimming in the river, she’d feed us her miracles. these days the biggest fascination of it all is that i never saw her actually bake! maybe she was a wizard who just ‘simsalabim’ had cookies flying all over the place? hm, beats me…

symmetry

i have bruises like two identical twins on my knees. they can almost kiss eachother.

yesterday i prepared myself for a difficult conversation. those situations when you need to clarify your needs and say ’no, thank you’, and you feel so guilty about it *for no reason*. so i weighed my words, chose them well, with my heart pounding i dialed the number. courageous me! and the person on the other end shrugged me of. without even hearing what i had to say. and didn’t call me back again, as agreed. and i thought to myself, how extremely complicated we make life by our communication. or lack of communication. ‘cause in the end of the day, it is mostly about communication. speaking from your heart, saying what you want, and not to focus on what you don’t want. hm. one point to me for daring.

sleepysloth

hey. this is me today. i am sleepy-slow like a sloth. the dream scenario would be to keep hanging in my tree while chewing some leaves, and sleep some more.

no shortcuts

i got a letter from the netherlands which went all the way to jakarta, indonesia before it landed here in my postbox. in these very hectic days, it reminded me that sometimes, there are no shortcuts. through the bush, up the hill, down the valley. today, i will make a list, just to sort out the mess in my head. when and what. and then fit it into the puzzle. it is like walking on a thin edge again. friday&saturday, i hope to put the flame a bit lower.

mosaic

i collected so many beautiful pieces on the beach. colored glass, seashells, tiles. i am saving them for something. landing takes time, time moves so fast, i haven’t taken the time to breathe enough. i will from now. it doesn’t help when you stop breathing. i am prone to be what you call in dutch a ‘stresskip’ which literally means a “stresschicken”, making yourself stressed about everything and nothing. no. stop. plana ut. chill out. enjoy.

in vino veritas

climbing mountains surrounding innsbruck

and i managed to stumble upon a flea market. the collection is expanding.

by now i am back in israel. time flies and a few more busy days to come. i can’t wait to land in the north, to settle down abit, to breathe, to unpack..imagine that one and a half week can feel so long.

i am here now. were are you?

this is the other unbeatable trio.

 

kiss me. kiss me. fish from krakow airport.

bytom has been a real pleasure. the city is a god-forgotten place, but the festival is so vibrant and inspiring. we had our last performance last night. for me, it was the last performance of this specific piece with the company. it was so emotional, i even cried on stage. people in the audience commented on it afterwards…

yuko got herself a haircut. we danced and laughed. and all that jazz…but who will release the zebra?? goodbye bytom, and hello innsbruck!

earth to sweden

dear family, especially little birthday boy, i am sorry for my absence, however, i tried calling once i arrived here, but this polish phone system won’t support me. and i tried sending fru a an sms, did you receive it? and so on and so forth. i feel like i am gone for ages, and disconnected from the world.

swinging in slovakia

i am swinging ,yes i am. nine hours in the bus. i wanted to get out all the time. slovakia looks amazing. almost every house has a little vegetable garden in the front. a few chickens walking around. some fat dogs. and grannies with head cloths, and flowery skirts. it could be me one day.