had a good day. visited the second hand store next doors. enjoyed homemade pizza and cake. a walk in the forest.
i got an email from my work. now. it starts to sound like i hate my job, which isn’t true. i am just trying to puzzle the impossible, living approximately 3 hours (one way) away from there. not having, yet, my own place in tel aviv. and a miserable dancers salary. the combination isn’t the best, let’s say. and it makes me feel nauseous from stress. and first i try to contain it. and then it comes up like bubbles, when i try to explain it, and i cry…. usually afterwards it feels a bit better.
these days, though, i am not sure i feel much better after crying. perhaps cause i didn’t find the solution. or perhaps, cause i am not convinced enough of what i am going to do.
i love dance, the creative side of it, the chance to express myself, ventilate my feelings, explore my body and it’s possibilities etc etc etc. but still, sometimes it bothers me that the world of dance can be so narrow minded. so self indulged. and i ask myself, is this simply something i do to caress my ego? am i contributing anything meaningful to this world? is it only staying with what i know, with what is familiar to me? big questions for a saturday evening. just had to let it out.
now, i am going to have a night cap. cheers!