catching glimpses of intimate moments from behind.
~our mind is tricky, sneaky thing. first I am nervous and fearful about not getting accepted, about not being good enough and then what?, what will happen if I am not? the so familiar fear of ‘what if’ or ‘what if not’. Then I receive what I wished for, in this case a job, and the enthusiasm and happiness is wonderful, sparkling, but oh so very brief because my mind is already nibbling on the corner of those happy feelings and quickly eats the whole chunk of them, licking all the crumbs and leaves a huge space behind and fills it immediately with fears and anxiety again (pretty much the same old stuff, the ‘I wont be good enough’, ‘I won’t make any friends’ etc. etc.)
this is where I am right now, a day before flying. and I practice with much dedication on breaking them down, the fears, and breathing through them, dissolving the thought matter into dust, to be carried away by the next puff of air.