Wednesday, June 19, 2013

from behind


catching glimpses of intimate moments from behind.

~our mind is tricky, sneaky thing. first I am nervous and fearful about not getting accepted, about not being good enough and then what?, what will happen if I am not? the so familiar fear of ‘what if’ or ‘what if not’. Then I receive what I wished for, in this case a job, and the enthusiasm and happiness is wonderful, sparkling, but oh so very brief because my mind is already nibbling on the corner of those happy feelings and quickly eats the whole chunk of them, licking all the crumbs and leaves a huge space behind and fills it immediately with fears and anxiety again (pretty much the same old stuff, the ‘I wont be good enough’, ‘I won’t make any friends’ etc. etc.)

this is where I am right now, a day before flying. and I practice with much dedication on breaking them down, the fears, and breathing through them, dissolving the thought matter into dust, to be carried away by the next puff of air.


Jael said...

En bra resa Sara.Jag flyger till Helsingfors nästä vecka:)

Anonymous said...

I know the feeling well...unfortunately. Just always remember to be your most honest self. People will see you for what you are and the ones that matter will accept you. The ones that don't...well they're probably not worth having in your life anyway. You are good ... you are strong ... you are're going to do great.
I don't know you in person, but I sure do like you. :)

Ariane Reichardt said...

I am so tired, dear Sara, but I wanna complimente on your 'photos from behind'.
There is something special happen... look, in the first pic mother nature embraces mother and child, too (from the left).
In the other pics I even find similar movements, forms... like her earring and her breast from the side... and the teeth in the last :)
Its like you are an observer, a finder of connection... wonderful! Great photos!

xo Ariane.

♥ w o o l f ♥ said...

it sounds like you know what to do, which is the hard part. now for the fun.
good luck. it'll be just tiny perfect.

querido diário said...

be kind and the rest will come*

Magdalena Nowak said...

Lovely beautiful person,

I read your words and know the fears and feelings so well.
on the other hand - we have the power the will - the strenght and the enthusiasm and happiness for sure but we can get so vulnerable in just one moment searching for hold, safety, admission and chance to show who we are and what s really in us.
I wish you so much more monets of strength and braveness.
kisses from heart to your heart.

anna said...

hoppas det känns bättre idag... du är bäst! puss

Patrice A. said...

sweet you
i know that feeling
too well....
lieve sara
er doorheen ademen
en proberen te focussen
op iets anders
zoals op de achterkant
van mooie lieve momenten
om je heen

Monica G. M said...

it's these moments that grow us.

breathe breathe... sending you supportive vibes.

sarapirat said...

jael, glad midsommar, ha det fint i helsingfors! kram

sarah, thankyou for reminding, you are so right, that is all we can do after all, be ourselves and it might not suit everyone... so sweet you are!
i am sure id like you too!

ariane, thank you dear, i also see the embracing nature on the first one and in general just makes me happy to look at these pretty two.
hope you had a wonderful birthday?! hugs,

nadine, :) thank you dear!

sara, i will, i will! breathe. hugs

magdalena, thankyou for your words, warming words dear friend, unfamiliar but yet so familiar friend. they soften the knot in my belly!

anna, puss! fram och tillbaka! men nu är jag på plats i alla fall! kramar

patrice, mmmhm...dat is een gooie! en dat kan heel makkeljik hier, in prachtige montpellier. ademen. loslaten. phu! was het leuk in finland of ben je daar nog steeds? liefs!

monica, thank you so much. yes, that is another thing i keep telling myself, or ask myself 'are my fears a reason good enough not to do this' NO WAY! :)

Pascale said...

If you don't make any friends... i am not so far from Montpellier ...

Sally Tharpe Rowles said...

You describe so well these nagging feelings that we all seem to have. Congratulations on your new job! I know you will be wonderful & make many friends! Relax & enjoy this exciting new adventure !

Makeminemidcentury said...

Oh you! What a crazy woman you are. How could anyone not like you?! How could you not be good at anything you set your mind to. You are gorgeous, talented and creative. You're also funny and sweet. I only know you through your blog and your comments on mine. We're on totally different sides of the planet and live completely different lives. I think you'll draw those people to you who deserve you! Chin up, be yourself and do your best. That's all you can do!xo